TWO WEEKS IN AIKIDO- REFLECTIONS FROM A NEW STUDENT
by Clara Mainardi
Why Aikido? Cathy sensei asked me on my first ever class, and I must admit I felt pretty embarrassed to say I knew absolutely nothing about it or any other martial art.
In the past couple of years, I have been on a pretty in depth journey of self development, healing and understanding myself and the way my neurodivergent brain works which means I knew exactly what I needed. I needed a challenge, I needed to learn a new skill and move my body in a different way, I needed something that was good for the mind as well as the body.
I had heard that the discipline and mindful movements in martial arts were helpful for people with ADHD who struggle with focus and being present, so I decided to give it a try. Followed some advice from the book Atomic Habits and removed the main obstacle (a tube journey) and picked the dojo that was just a short walk from my house. No excuses.
I ended up finishing all my trial classes in one week, starting weapons (and ordering my own from Japan) and attending a seminar in another dojo on week 2. I was pretty scared the entire time, but after every class my mind felt calm, my body felt strong, and I had that gut feeling that I was doing something right.
Apparently writing this article is a good way to have something to look back to in a year or two and either cringe hard or be proud of how far I’ve come. I hope it’s the second.
So, here are some things I’ve learned so far:
People will help you, whether directly or indirectly. Some are willing to talk you through the movements step by step a few times, some stay silent and just grab your wrist over and over so you can figure it out yourself, and some will help you in a third, more terrifying way: by showing you how they could attack you every time you leave an opening. All 3 are helpful. (You are absolutely less likely to leave an opening after you’ve been choked by someone you’ve just met). I’m still figuring out what the best balance between the 3 is for me. But so far it seems to be going through the movements in slow motion once or twice and then stop overthinking and just doing it.
The only person judging you is you. You need to stay present and keep your focus while doing aikido so really the only person thinking THAT much about what you’re doing wrong is you, even if everything feels exposing. Allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them has been one of the main struggles in my training so far and it is definitely something that is useful practice for my day to day life. I’m also working on the part where I’m not completely embarrassed and beat myself up for them, but i think that might take even more time.
In our dojo, if you do something really wrong, you might even get it printed on a T-shirt. Seems like a great achievement to me.
Women are amazing. In the past 2 weeks I have seen women who I wouldn’t consider threatening if I passed them on the street do some incredibly cool things. I was particularly impressed on my very first trial class by our Sensei. She looked so effortlessly strong and grounded and I remember watching the way she moved and thinking wow, I want to do that too. Because as much as I’m bruised and in pain, I’ve felt pretty damn strong these 2 weeks of training. It has been rather empowering and inspirational.
Fear is a good thing. Rewatching videos from our classes, I look so terrified while other people seem to be rolling onto the mat without fear.
While going through an exercise on my very first class I remember saying I didn’t want to hurt the person I was practicing with. Obviously my brain knew the dojo was a safe space and I wasn’t really in danger so naturally I did everything wrong. It wasn’t until we practiced newaza that I really didn’t have a problem using some force (or maybe just being a bit more decisive with my movements), because having a man who was bigger and stronger on top of me really made me realise I wanted to get the hell out of there. So really, fear will help you. And I’m told one day I’ll be less scared of the mat. Looking forward to that day.
Speaking of men, whether they are bigger, stronger or just more experienced in Aikido than you, it is absolutely possible for them to explain things to you without being patronising. And in order for you to learn, you will need someone to treat you as a human being with your own strengths and weaknesses rather than assuming them based on your gender. This is what they do in our dojo and hopefully by the time I come across one of THOSE men on the mat, I will have more experience to back me up.
And lastly, whatever you do, tuck your toes and move your foot out of the way when falling backwards because IT WILL hurt. To quote our sensei “after 30 years training I’ve never seen feet look like that” .
Glad to know I made an impression.